It was now over a month; a month that had
brought nothing but arguments, tears... pain. It was a month that would not
soon be forgotten - even if it should. It was easier to hold onto the agony and
remember, than place it somewhere in the back of her mind and forget.
Andariel sat quietly in the back of the room,
idly watching as class proceeded. She didn't want to be here listening to the
professor's never-ending rants. She'd rather be home instead, curled up in bed
as the hours went by without her. It was so easy to just seclude herself from
the rest of the world. A cruel world that denied her so very much before, but
now it denied her the one thing that would trully bring some comfort.
It wasn't about the material things anymore,
everything else seemed so petty, so unimportant. She didn't care. Just like she
didn't care about the little things that had been taking place lately, her mind
was still focused on the past. The blissful past that tortured her just the
same.
Shimmering blues drifted down at the page in
front of her, nothing but doodles where words should've been. What was the
point of being here right now? She knew what the lecture was about, this was a
waste of time. Precious time... or was it really all that precious anymore? She
wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of a whole lot of things lately. Some people might
call this obsession, other's masochism. But she had another term for it. A term
that not all that long ago she refused to admit, she denied it because it
seemed impossible and yet now it was the most natural thing in the world. Love.
Painful and impossible at times, but it was still there whether she wanted it
or not.
A silent exhale touched tainted lips as she
slid further down her seat. Soon I'll be on the floor... She told
herself but the words didn't sink in. Perhaps if she were on the floor, she
could hide from the world. There was always this virtual reality to everyone's
mind, a safe place were no omen ruled. Perhaps her's would be there. Stupid.
After a few more moments of staring somewhere
off into space, she finally came to a conclusion. She needed to get out of
here. With a sporadic fit of frustration, she shut her books and shoved them
into her bag. Quietly, she exited the lecture hall and headed outside.
The cold morning chill took her by surprise,
it was colder than she had imagined. The wind brought tears to her visage...
but was it really just the cool wind? What did it matter? It wasn't as if she
had anyone to impress. Not like anyone really knew her around campus, and that
was just fine. She didn't need to be bothered with petty details.
The husky moved down the path torwards the
street. The parking lot was just ahead. Where would she go? Sit in the car and
brood once again as she had already done so many times? Now that was stupid. Or
she could go back home and crawl into the dark comfort of her bed. Yes, that
sure did seem like a good idea.
She slipped inside and shut the car door
against the freezing cold. Shaky fingers slipped the key into the ignition
which was reluctantly turned on. Damp blues stared at the steering wheel for a
moment in silence. Lost in thought once again, she didn't hear the digital
music coming from her cell phone. Who would call her at this hour while she was
supposed to be in class? She glanced at the tiny screen and sighed miserably at
the flashing name. It was funny that her friends seemed to call in the worse of
times, yet were rarely there when she trully needed them.
She wiped bitterly at those tears and threw
the transmission into reverse, pulling out of the lot. So many times had she
done this that the road simply blew right by her without her really seeing it.
It was as if the poor Chevy had already learned the route and no longer needed
it's owner to direct it.
Within minutes she approached the toll both.
Like so many times before, her gaze drifted back and forth between the
directional signs. I could go south... Yes, it was one of the options in
front of her. South would bring so many changes and what a defiance that would
be! But home was to the North and once again, like all other days, she sighed
and headed in the latter direction.
Perhaps someday things would change. Perhaps
someday she would give into the pain regardless of the possible consequences. Perhaps
someday....