Crash and Burn
by: Tizzrah
Beautiful.
Tizzrah surveyed the rain as it poured down, smothering the trees that surrounded her with the sweet vitae of the sky. She was depressed, as usual; it was becoming all too common.
A soft sigh escaped her lips as warm droplets found their way down her cheeks, mixing with her own salted tears and wetting her fur. Her damp hair clung to the back of her neck and her clothing, and in turn her clothing clung to her body, outlining every curve even though she had been purposely losing weight lately. Her legs swayed quietly over the side of the branch that she sat so quietly upon. More than argued words did she hate the silence; it's getting so loud and I want to scream.
When you feel all alone, and the world has turned its back on you...
It wasn't uncommon that she felt like this. Recently a friend--a friend who she had let herself become so close to, a friend she trusted with all her heart.. a friend she was coming to love--had betrayed her with vicious words when she sought his help from the sharp blade of the knife. The betrayal had ripped her nearly to pieces.. and then she had ripped herself to pieces, scoring her breasts with so many slashes, so much blood.. the horrible wounds were still there. As she thought of him, of Azrael, she let her head sink into her hands, letting the pain of loss overtake her.
Give me a moment please, to tame your wild, wild heart...
A heart that was scarred, a heart that was torn. Confusion.. grief. Tizz lifted her head a bit, her hands shaking violently. Will I ever stop shaking? Will I ever be normal? Will I ever be loved? The feeling of loneliness was consuming. Yet there was no anger... only pain.
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you...
Trapped. She was trapped in a decision, trapped in choices that no one but herself would ever know, and each day those walls moved closer to crushing her. Feel it break your bones... Tizz shivered, drawing her knees to her chest.
It's hard to find relief, and people can be so cold...
Cold.. mind-numbing chills that ripped through her body, making her convulse in agony. She had tried and failed to make friends. They had shunned her, throwing her aside like yesterday's trash. Because that's all I am. Trash.. not worth anything.. She had attempted to get close to someone once again, and once again she had been attacked viciously. Choking on a sob, she reached into a pocket and withdrew her glittering prize; the bloodstained scissors. They seemed to be the only thing she could trust.
When darkness is upon your door, and you feel like you can't take anymore...
Darkness. Falling, breaking. Shattering on the bottom and unable to climb back up. The light was nearly gone; it flickered every once and a while, but she would never reach it again. Just gaze upwards longingly and wish. But wishing brought nothing. Nothing but broken dreams and false hope. She parted the scissors and clutched at them with a nearly delusional craving, pressing one of the blades to her arm.
Slash and bleed... the puddles on the ground were mixed with the crimson of her blood. She struck again and again, each time deeper. She felt alive as she ripped and tore her body apart; it would recede with the wounds.
Tizz stumbled and fell in weakness, landing on her knees in the mud. She was blind with tears. Numb... broken. She couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Her mind was murky and addled. Her thoughts drifted.. Sharek's disregard to her problems, Vensik's depression because of her, Azrael's cruel, harsh words, biting into her insides and wrenching them brutally. Firefoot's ignorance and abandonment. Zephyr's pretense that everything was alright... Skyler's cold glares and harsh questions: "Why are you such a bitch? Why can't you be normal like everyone else? Why can't you leave us alone?"...
"No one will ever care... no one will ever understand..." she whispered, not even realizing the words had been spoken until moments afterwards when she pulled herself to her feet. She looked down at herself; covered in blood and dirt, her eyes, red from crying, still dripping tears. Pathetic... She picked up her scissors, shoving the bloodstained blades in her pocket for later when she knew she would have use for them again. Then, head hung low and tail dragging the ground in shame, she trekked home, praying silently that one day someone would understand and accept her as she was.
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash,
Then crash and burn...
You're not alone.